Chapter 3: It Is Fine to Have Problems

            Mariah, my sixteen-year-old granddaughter, and I exchanged texts:
            Mariah: Grandma, I found a quote I thought you would like. “The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.”
            Me: True.
            Mariah: Here’s another one. Wayne Gretzky a famous ice hockey player said: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
            Me: So true. Thanks for sending these quotes. How are you?
            Mariah: Good and u?
            Me: Same. And it is good to be good.
            Mariah: Yep. And it’s fine to have problems too.

           I was more than surprised at Mariah’s response and wondered what leads a sixteen-year-old young woman to such a mature awareness. How could she know it is fine to have problems? Doesn’t everyone try to avoid problems at all costs? Aren’t problems ugly and messy and painful and sad and totally unwanted complications to life?
            How has Mariah at such a young age discovered this truth? The answer, of course, is that she has had problems, overcome them, and seen the positive benefits. If she was told something could not be done, she identified the roadblocks and worked to find a way around them. When it has been extremely hard to take shots at goals she wanted to reach, she has tried and tried and tried until she learned how. With this attitude she has realized personal growth.
            “It’s all in how you look at problems,” she said. If you look at a problem as the end of the world, it is very difficult to turn it into something positive. If you look at a problem in a matter-of-fact way, in that problems are just part of life and something to work through, you are much more likely to see benefits that come.”
            The truth is that in every problem solutions are inherent within the problem itself. But if a person chooses to respond negatively, an energy-sapping force is created that binds the person to the problem and blinds him or her to positive options. Consequently, the problem stays in limbo or gets worse. Some energy-sapping, negative response patterns are:

     · Run away from the problem as fast as possible.

     · Sweep the problem under the rug, pretending the problem doesn’t exist. (It’s call denial.)

     · Lash out in anger. Blame others.

     · React like a victim, draw up your legs in a fetal position, crawl into bed, and stay there.

     · Self-medicate with food, pornography, drugs.

     · Feel that because you have been hurt you have the right to counter hurt and get revenge.

     · Surround yourself with others who have similar problems and wallow together in pity and misery.

·      Stay focused on the problem.

            There are also positive response patterns to choose from:

     · Kneel down; ask Heavenly Father to guide you; ask for the comfort of the Holy Ghost; ask for wisdom to navigate the adversity.

     · Trust Jesus's words that He “will not leave you comfortless.”

     · As you ponder on the problem, write down a list of options to consider and to pray about.

     · Create a plan of action. Tony Robbins said: “If you talk about it, it’s a dream, if you envision it, it’s possible, but if you schedule it, it’s real.”

     · Prayerfully seek counsel from people you know who have successfully resolved similar problems.

     · Put your own name and the names of others involved on the temple prayer roll.

     · Realize that before you knew about the problem, you could not do anything about it. Now that you are aware of it, it can be the beginning of healing.

     · Study the principle of hope in scripture and the words of living Apostles.

     · Remember blessings of the past and know that Heavenly Father is aware of your needs. You are His child. He loves you.

     · Let the words of the hymn, “Come unto Jesus,” “Oh, know you not that angels are near you,” stay in your mind and heart. Believe it. Watch for it. (Sometimes I think the words are "Oh, know you not that angels attend you.")

     · Stay focused on solutions.

            One horrible day I scribbled in my journal: “The saddest day of my life.” I was wrong in at least two ways. First, even worse days were ahead. Secondly, despite all the sadness and confusion as to how to move forward, it wasn’t even a year before I realized that in all the terribleness, my ability to do hard things, to love, and to problem-solve were increasing. I also found, as a by-product of this experience I never wanted, I was able to help others who were similarly suffering.
          No one seeks problems, yet they come to one and all. If you look at your trials like Mariah does, you won’t be consumed or shut down by them. The Apostle Paul said, “Cast not away therefore your confidence” (Hebrews 10:35). Finding resolution to problems gives you confidence to keep moving forward. Instead, of feeling hopeless or helpless, pray for strength to deal with trials up front and face on, using positive response patterns, aided by the direction of heaven, and you will be fine.


(c) Marilynne Todd Linford, 2018