Chapter 2: Can Everyone Find Happiness?

            I don't just believe in "the pursuit of happiness," I believe in finding happiness and capturing it to make it part of my allotted time on earth. Yet I ask myself, is it realistic to think everyone can find happiness or is it Pollyannaish?
            Not all lives have fairytale endings. My friend fell in the night and hit her head. By the time her son found her, she had passed away. Her family will remember the day forever, but even more so her oldest daughter, Sherrie, because it was her birthday. At the funeral, Sherrie explained how at first she was angry that her beloved mother was gone and especially angry because forever after, her birthday would be on an anniversary of her mother's death.
            Then she told about a business book she had read on reframing and how if you reframe problems, your outlook can change. Between the dreadful day and the funeral, she did reframe. As she spoke of her mother's good qualities, she explained how she now feels honored to have that "forever connection" with her mother. She said: "April 10 was a good day to be born, a good day to die, and a good day to resolve to carry on my mother's legacy."
            I thought about Sherrie and wondered if reframing unhappy aspects of a person's life can bring contentment, even happiness. I did some reading and came across Martin Seligman's work who is called the father of positive psychology. I don't know if I agree with everything he teaches, but it is another look at the question, "Can everyone find happiness?"
            Since about 1955, psychiatrists and psychologists have focused their research on depression and mental illness, identifying and classifying disorders and diseases. Dr. Seligman said the result of this emphasis on the negative in human personality is that today “we can make miserable people less miserable…. Fourteen disorders are treatable, two of them actually curable.” (You can watch his TED talk at https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology).
            Of course Dr. Seligman thinks this is “terrific,” but he expressed great concern about a sixty-year methodology that was built on the negative theory of victimization—that depressed or mentally ill people are that way because of abuse. The theory does not hold up under analysis, however, because not everyone who was abused became depressed or mentally ill and in a high percentage of cases, no abuse could be identified in patients who were depressed or mentally ill. Prescription drugs and reparative therapy became the standard treatment.
            Dr. Seligman’s concern: “We forgot that people made choices and decisions.” Instead of teaching personal accountability, the depressed and mentally ill were given an excuse. They were not helped to see the power they had, despite the genes they received at birth or the environment in which they lived, to make better decisions and change negative behaviors. They were allowed to think of themselves as victims and were given a diagnosis and prescriptions.
            And not only that, but Dr. Seligman said by solely focusing on troubled people, the untroubled (normal) people did not receive the benefit of scientific advancement. Dr. Seligman is hoping to change this regrettable neglect by working to help both troubled and normal people focus on the new science of happiness. He said: “Sixty percent of happiness is determined by our genetics and environment, the remaining forty percent is up to us.”
            “Roko Belic, who wrote and directed “The Happy Movie” (which you can watch at actionforhappiness.org/happy-movie-online), says it is fifty-fifty. Either way, forty or fifty percent of each person’s happiness is in his/her control. He reports that science verifies that to some degree happy or unhappy is a choice. (In the documentary you will meet a rickshaw driver in India who lives in a bamboo hut covered by old plastic bags who is happy. You will see how a woman who had her face run over by a truck is happy. There is also a free book on this subject: Happy for No Reason by Marci Shimoff. (https://experiencelife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/11-happy-for-no-reason.pdf).
            Dr. Seligman explained three ways to pursue happiness: “The Pleasant Life” where you seek pleasures. “The Life of Engagement” in which you seek fulfillment in your work, family, and leisure. “The Meaningful Life” in which you identify “your highest strengths” and use them “in the service of something larger than you are.” It is a good, better, best choice. His positive psychology, the pursuit of lasting happiness is based on two words, which he believes can change any person’s level of happiness: gratitude and forgiveness. His goal is to enable people to think constructively about their past, gain optimism, hope for the future and, as a result, gain greater happiness in the present” (pursuit-of-happiness.org).
            Dr. Seligman is not the first to advocate this positive view of life. Dr. Victor Frankl, neurologist, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor, learned from his own experience: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way…. Even the helpless victim of a hopeless situation, facing a fate he cannot change, may rise above himself, may grow beyond himself. He may turn personal tragedy into triumph” (Man’s Search for Meaning). Nor was Dr. Frankl the first to advocate this positive option and choice to life’s difficulties. These truths are found in the New Testament and Book of Mormon as taught by Jesus Christ himself.
            Alma taught this truth to his son Corianton: "And now, my son, I would say somewhat unto you concerning the coming of Christ. Behold, I say unto you, that it is he that surely shall come to take away the sins of the world; yea, he cometh to declare glad tidings of salvation unto his people"
(Alma 39:15). All the positive philosophies of humankind cannot hold a candle to the light available through the life, teachings, and mostly the divinity of Jesus Christ and His glad tidings of salvation.
            The truth about happiness is that it is not predicated on perfect circumstances or problem-free living. Happiness and real life, as messy and complicated as it can be, are compatible. On December 6, 2017, the online Huffington Post an article, “The Habits of Supremely Happy People," which I summarize here:

1. Slow down. Appreciate life.

2. Exercise.

3. Spend more money on others than on yourself.

4. Spend time with happy people.

5. Be positive.

6. Get enough sleep.

7. Have deep, meaningful conversations.

8. Serve. Help others.

9. Don't expect happiness to just happen. Make the effort to be happy.

10. Set technology aside and do real things with real people. 

            When I first started writing this essay, I quoted "The Habits of Supremely Happy People posted on September 16, 2013. Number ten was "Get spiritual." The accompanying text read: "Studies point to a link between religious and spiritual practice and mirth. For one, happiness habits like expressing gratitude, compassion and charity are generally promoted in most spiritual conventions. And, asking the big questions helps to give our lives context and meaning. A 2009 study found that children who felt their lives had a purpose (which was promoted by a spiritual connection) were happier. Spirituality offers what the 20th-century sociologist Emile Durkheim referred to as 'sacred time.'" Then for comparison, I saw a link to an updated version in 2017, and guess what? "Get spiritual" was no longer on the list! I believe that spirituality and happiness are linked arm in arm. I think spirituality is being at downplayed and that major media is distancing themselves from God.
            As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my spiritual roots run deep. I believe our Father in Heaven has a plan for His children. His plan is known by five names: The plan of salvation, the plan of mercy, the plan of redemption, the plan of deliverance from death, and the plan of happiness!
            I pray you can find happiness today, even right now.

(c) Marilynne Todd Linford, 2018