Chapter 16: From Regret to Reconciliation

            I have my share of regret and I imagine you do too. Regret feels sad and bad. Regret speaks of loss and missed opportunity. Regret is a type of grief, mourning what might have been. Regret comes to those who disappoint themselves, who feel they have offended God, and whose trust in others was misplaced. Regret can lurk beneath the surface, hidden or camouflaged under a façade of normalcy. If not resolved, regret can become an unbearable load. In my experience, no one talks much about their own regrets outside the therapist’s office or until one’s own death or the death of a loved one looms.
            Dr. Douglas H. Todd, my brother, died on January 13, 2015 at age 56, leaving his wife and two children ages eighteen and sixteen. Doug spent his last five years in a desperate attempt to keep living. The last two years could better be described as a desperate attempt just trying not to die. At diagnoses in November 2010, he was told that if he did nothing he had two months to live. He stretched two months to five years through great personal suffering.
            Obviously, Doug was not happy about dying. He shared his list of regrets with me. Not being able to finish his career, not knowing his children as adults, not knowing his grandchildren, and not growing old with his wife. These regrets are probably standard for everyone with a terminal illness. He spent a lot of time grieving his own impending departure from life One day he said, “I feel I keep dying over and over again.”
            He also expressed a deeper disappointment: “I regret that I didn’t have enough faith to know that all would be well no matter what happened.” This was his state of mind until the last couple of weeks. As we talked, the day before he died, I noticed a peace and freedom had come over him. He was ready to be free of his sick, sick body. (I flirt with the idea that death is made out to be something much worse than it is. I wonder if once Doug was dead he thought, “and why was it I was so against dying?)
            Awful experiences taught Doug that adversity is one of life’s best teachers. At the end of a severe trial he wrote: “I learned to be humble and to pray for miracles. I learned my parents truly care about me. I learned about true friendship and the eternal value therein. I learned how to support those less fortunate than myself. I learned not to kick a dog when he is down. I learned not to judge others. I learned that the pathways we choose in life can be altered as the Lord sees fit for our blessing. I learned to be patient with adversity.”
            Joseph Smith was well acquainted with adversity. He spent his 38 years of life passing through the severest of trials. Of these perils he said: “They seem but a small thing to me, as the envy and wrath of man have been my common lot all the days of my life…. Deep water is what I am wont to swim in. It all has become a second nature to me; and I feel, like Paul, to glory in tribulation; for to this day has the God of my fathers delivered me out of them all, and will deliver me from henceforth…. I shall triumph over all my enemies, for the Lord God hath spoken it” (D&C 127:2).
            Beginning at age 14, Joseph learned through trial after trial to trust God more and more.  Did he understand additional principles of faith that enabled him to leave earth void of regrets? Maybe so. “Two or three days previous to his assassination, he said: I have a conscience void of offense towards God, and towards all men” (D&C 135:4).
            Joseph taught that the concept of faith is empty as a stand-alone principle, which is in direct contrast to the world's definition of faith—complete trust or confidence in someone or something. Faith, as he wrote in the Articles of Faith, is not just faith but rather “faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.” Through Jesus Christ we receive the inner strength to meet life’s challenges. We were not sent to this rugged realm of mortality to go it alone. Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel.
            The words of Jesus Christ show why faith in Him is essential. He said to the children of Israel, “I will bring you out of Egypt (your adversities); I will rescue you; I will redeem you; I will take you as my people.” (See Exodus 6:6-7.) He took upon Himself the pains, sicknesses, and loosed “the bands of death” for all humankind. (See Alma 7:11-12.) President Howard W. Hunter said, “If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right” (BYU Devotional, 14 March, 1989).
            Jesus explained how to obtain this faith. He said: “Come unto me” (Matthew 11:28). “Believe that I am” (John 13:19). “I am the Son of God” (John 10:36). “Take my yoke upon you” (Matthew 11:29). “Learn of me” (Matthew 11:29). “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15).
            In the words of Eliza R. Snow, “He marked the path and led the way, and every point defines to light and life and endless day where God's full presence shines” (“How Great the Wisdom and the Love,” Hymns, 195). He is the Light that illuminates the pathway from regret to reconciliation.