Chapter 30: A Way Out When Trapped by Life
Ruth went to the carwash just as she had done for years. She slid her credit card, pushed the buttons, and the oversized carwash door opened. She drove inside and pulled forward until the red light instructed her to stop. The carwash door closed behind her. She sat, anticipating that momentarily the big arm of the carwash would start spraying soapy water on her very dirty car. She waited, waited, and waited and finally realized she was trapped in a broken carwash. Fortunately she had her cellphone. Unfortunately, the emergency number for the carwash was posted outside.
She got out of the car, fearing the big arm might start working and tried to lift the oversized front and rear doors; she pounded on the doors; she yelled for help. Eventually another customer drove up, slid his credit card, pushed the buttons, and waited. After awhile he realized something was wrong and called the emergency number. Being trapped in a carwash did not ruin Ruth’s day. She laughed about it many times as she shared the story with family and friends.
Life presents a wide variety of traps—physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, financial, and interpersonal. The traps can be seemingly random, man-made, self-made, adversarial, or perhaps of God for a divine purpose. Some traps (trials) are very minor such as spending an hour alone locked in a carwash. Others have major implications and complications.
A young father fighting metastatic cancer for two years has survived treatment after treatment. Presently he is fighting tumors in his lungs. After a recent CT scan, his wife wrote: “Good news today from the CT scan. One of five tumors has been obliterated and the remaining four have shrunk a little. More treatment is scheduled, continuous-flow chemo every Wednesday through Friday for the next three months. We continue to see miracles.” This perspective means they are watching for miracles. She could have written the negative view: “Bad news today from the CT scan. Only one of five tumors is gone and the remaining four have only shrunk a little. More treatment is scheduled…. We are waiting for a miracle.”
A woman fighting metastatic cancer wrote: “Finding something beautiful in life is a daily goal of mine.” A positive mindset amidst trials of any proportion is beautiful. Positivity spawns optimism and courage. The contrary is also a fact. Another woman about the same age with about the same diagnosis wrote: I pray every day that today will be my last.” Negativity is the parent of more negativity, brewing pessimism and discouragement.
For thirty years a positive mindset eluded Lisa who lived with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. She viewed the world as harsh and unfair and blamed others for her destructive behaviors. Finally she realized she was trapped and powerless to change and that these negative response patterns were hindering recovery. Help came when she started attending an LDS 12-step addiction-recovery program.
For Lisa, a pivotal paragraph in step three of the manual, "A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing," reads: “While addicts have faced a number of obstacles that others have not, we are more helpful to others and to ourselves if we choose to be thankful for all that we do have. It has been said that, our lives are not determined by what happens to us but now we react to what happens, not what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to it.” The manual suggests keeping a gratitude journal.
“For almost two years now,” Lisa said, “I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal. At first my lists were short and awkward, but today, when I stopped at the gas station, I realized just how much my thought processes have changed. I have always hated putting gas in my car. I would even limit my driving so I wouldn’t have to get gas so often. Then today, as I started to pump the gas, my first thoughts were: ‘I’m so grateful I can pump gas. Gas in the tank means I can take my children to school and to piano lessons and grocery shop.’ This is an extraordinary change in me. What a miracle! I did not realize step three would be a game-changer and a needed antidote to my negativity.”
No one would pretend that gratitude comes easily or that feeling grateful is the same as being grateful. As the manual says: “We all experience moments of gratitude, but it requires conscious effort to cherish those moments and watch them multiply.” That conscious effort is evident when humor is the reaction to being trapped in a carwash, when hope is the response to devastating illness, when positive thought patterns replace habitual negativity.
No question. Gratitude brings greater happiness and fulfillment. The manual promises: “With awareness and effort gratitude is a skill that can be practiced on a daily basis and can turn around even the darkest of days.”
(c) Marilynne Todd Linford, 2018
She got out of the car, fearing the big arm might start working and tried to lift the oversized front and rear doors; she pounded on the doors; she yelled for help. Eventually another customer drove up, slid his credit card, pushed the buttons, and waited. After awhile he realized something was wrong and called the emergency number. Being trapped in a carwash did not ruin Ruth’s day. She laughed about it many times as she shared the story with family and friends.
Life presents a wide variety of traps—physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, financial, and interpersonal. The traps can be seemingly random, man-made, self-made, adversarial, or perhaps of God for a divine purpose. Some traps (trials) are very minor such as spending an hour alone locked in a carwash. Others have major implications and complications.
A young father fighting metastatic cancer for two years has survived treatment after treatment. Presently he is fighting tumors in his lungs. After a recent CT scan, his wife wrote: “Good news today from the CT scan. One of five tumors has been obliterated and the remaining four have shrunk a little. More treatment is scheduled, continuous-flow chemo every Wednesday through Friday for the next three months. We continue to see miracles.” This perspective means they are watching for miracles. She could have written the negative view: “Bad news today from the CT scan. Only one of five tumors is gone and the remaining four have only shrunk a little. More treatment is scheduled…. We are waiting for a miracle.”
A woman fighting metastatic cancer wrote: “Finding something beautiful in life is a daily goal of mine.” A positive mindset amidst trials of any proportion is beautiful. Positivity spawns optimism and courage. The contrary is also a fact. Another woman about the same age with about the same diagnosis wrote: I pray every day that today will be my last.” Negativity is the parent of more negativity, brewing pessimism and discouragement.
For thirty years a positive mindset eluded Lisa who lived with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder. She viewed the world as harsh and unfair and blamed others for her destructive behaviors. Finally she realized she was trapped and powerless to change and that these negative response patterns were hindering recovery. Help came when she started attending an LDS 12-step addiction-recovery program.
For Lisa, a pivotal paragraph in step three of the manual, "A Guide to Addiction Recovery and Healing," reads: “While addicts have faced a number of obstacles that others have not, we are more helpful to others and to ourselves if we choose to be thankful for all that we do have. It has been said that, our lives are not determined by what happens to us but now we react to what happens, not what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to it.” The manual suggests keeping a gratitude journal.
“For almost two years now,” Lisa said, “I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal. At first my lists were short and awkward, but today, when I stopped at the gas station, I realized just how much my thought processes have changed. I have always hated putting gas in my car. I would even limit my driving so I wouldn’t have to get gas so often. Then today, as I started to pump the gas, my first thoughts were: ‘I’m so grateful I can pump gas. Gas in the tank means I can take my children to school and to piano lessons and grocery shop.’ This is an extraordinary change in me. What a miracle! I did not realize step three would be a game-changer and a needed antidote to my negativity.”
No one would pretend that gratitude comes easily or that feeling grateful is the same as being grateful. As the manual says: “We all experience moments of gratitude, but it requires conscious effort to cherish those moments and watch them multiply.” That conscious effort is evident when humor is the reaction to being trapped in a carwash, when hope is the response to devastating illness, when positive thought patterns replace habitual negativity.
No question. Gratitude brings greater happiness and fulfillment. The manual promises: “With awareness and effort gratitude is a skill that can be practiced on a daily basis and can turn around even the darkest of days.”
(c) Marilynne Todd Linford, 2018
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